fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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