..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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