Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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