onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
