the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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