the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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