i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
