i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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