she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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