Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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