Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
