i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize