Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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