I wish my penis had an off switch
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize