He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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