Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
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I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!