2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?