Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party