I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?