just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough