like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.