I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong