I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
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alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.