Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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