i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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