Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
