I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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