i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
