i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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