I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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