Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
