how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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