i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
