he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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