I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
