i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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