I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
