Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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