i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
