i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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