She is in my trunk
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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