oh god the rape fog is back!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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