Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
