do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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