Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
