i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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