in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
