I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
