Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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