pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
