Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
