Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS