then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere