Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!