No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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