You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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