I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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